So I am an unrepentant know-it-all purist when it comes to Star Wars. I hear people criticize things that they should not criticize, and accept things that they shouldn’t accept and it’s got to the point where I can’t listen to anyone say anything about the franchise anymore as I haven’t found anyone who views it just like I do.
Like everything else, to each their own… If you love attack of the clones, good for you. But they aren’t part of my Star Wars universe. I’m sure that if you got rid of hayden christenson and jarjar, those movies would be a fine scifi adventure, but as far as Star Wars goes, they are, at best, an alternate history. An alternate history that is so alternate that it derails the whole story… And is a kinda boring one… And one that doesn’t make any sense when seen in the same space as the Star Wars movies.
So how is it that I view it? Well, let me tell you.
The only part of Star Wars that is truly canon is, ahem, Star Wars (the movie). And, for the most part, the thoughts and writings that Lucas did regarding the story prior to the release of the film can count as well. Anything that contradicts Star Wars (the movie) or changes the story is a lurid poison upon the world. Empire Strikes Back is basically canon as well, except for one thing where it seriously counters Star Wars… Darth being Luke’s father. I can ignore that moment in the movie where he says that (as, aside from that, the movie is great) but it still doesn’t sit well.
Recall in Star Wars where Obi Wan says “A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father.” He wasn’t being tricky and saying “well, anakin’s conversion to Darth kinda was the end of anakin, so you could say that he killed who he had been by becoming who he was now.”. But that isn’t what Obi-Wan meant when he said it in Star Wars. He was being literal… anakin and Darth were separate characters and the merging of them is a key key key key failing that led to oh so many disasters afterwards.
So aside from that blip, which you can kinda ignore as it only rears its head again in Return of the Jedi (which is basically so bad that I can’t watch it anyway), Star Wars and Empire can kinda both be considered “true” Canon and, as such, are untouchable and unchangeable.
But the biggest problem of all is that the movies and the original stories were made quite clearly as “From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker (or Starkiller)” but then 20 years later Lucas decided to do major revisionist history and rebrand the Star Wars saga as “the tragedy of Darth Vader”… Then he had the gall to try and pretend that was his intention all along (which it wasn’t).
So the three issues I have with Star Wars (the franchise), are:
1. Star Wars (the movie and the series) is the story of Luke Skywalker, not of anakin or Darth.
2. Darth Vader is not anakin (though I can ignore that in my watching as it doesn’t really come up)
3. Star Wars (the movie) is the beginning of the story, not the fourth episode.
Anything at all, anything… that contradicts those is hurtful and is utter garbage in my book. So the so-called prequels don’t even exist. Mayhaps they take place in some other part of the empire with some other person who happens to be named Anakin Skywalker. With trillions of humans, there are certainly more than one with that name… But I don’t care, as they’re not part of the Star Wars story.
So this explains why the prequels are the three biggest piles of poo in the universe, because some jackass decided to completely redirect, derail, and even lie about, the story that was, bar none, the most important facet of my childhood from the ages of 9-13 (and then snub his nose at the old fans basically saying that he didn’t care what they thought, even though they’re the ones who made the series the success that it was… Even thumbing his nose at the National Film Registry).
But how does this explain my love for everything of the Disney Star Wars movies? Because, almost without exception (key exception being that painful episode numbering), they completely ignore the fake anakin story and return the focus to Luke, aka, the actual story. Plus, they go out of their way to connect to the real Star Wars story (heck, Abrams even brought Starkiller back! Going even more OG than Star Wars itself!). Why do I love the terminally unpopular Solo? Because Solo is really fun and is an unabashed reference to Star Wars (the movie). Everything about Han from Star Wars is explained in Solo, thus giving great attention to the real story and continuing to completely ignore the sins and lies lucas made between 1978 and 2005 (all of which must be condemned: “a new hope” “episode IV, V, and VI numbering”, “prequels”, darth as anakin, the special editions, those shit movies made between 1999 and 2005).
For my fan book, you need to ignore all of that (or better yet, condemn it) and instead honor the seven movies that we have that tell the correct and intended story (assuming that you can stand to sit though return of the Jedi, which I can’t):
Aside: Solo
Prequel: Rogue One
Star Wars
The Empire Strikes back
Return of the Jedi
Force Awakens
The Last Jedi
p.s. if you care about any of this at all, please read The Secret History of Star Wars…
p.p.s. Okay, I went and saw it. My review is 50/50. As Force Awakens was like a redo of Star Wars, Rise of Skywalker feels like a redo of The Return of the Jedi. However, not as bad, so… However, it’s another good chance to keep my my old movie blog going…
p.p.s. withh more time, I have decided that RoS is not at all up to par with my seven other movies, so it will remain off the list. For my full complaint, please see RoS Sucks
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